Paperwork
by Sheryl Nantus
Summary: A series of memos to and from the basement detailing another war of sorts...


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...Duh duh...duh duh...duh duh duh duh duh duh.. 

Ah, Paperwork!by Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: Motor Vehicles DivisionRe: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655 

Agent D. Scully: 

On the above listed vehicles signed out to you, we have determinedthat upon their return major structural damage has been found to thefront seat. Our mechanics cannot determine the cause of this stress onthe metal. We would like your explanation regarding this matterimmediately. 

A. VanderhossMotor Vehicles Division 

"Signed out to me?" 

"Ah... I had to sign your name because they wouldn't give me any morecars..." 

"Mulder..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: A. Vanderhoss>From: Agent D. ScullyRe: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655 

The only thing that I can think of is possibly the failure of mypartner to adjust the set when we change drivers. given there is adistinct height difference between us, I suggest this could be thesource of your problem. 

Agent D. Scully 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: Motor Vehicles DivisionRe: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655 

Agent D. Scully: 

Our records show that you're over six feet high, as well as Agent F.Mulder. Therefore, your explanation is not possible. So what are youand your partner doing to break the front seats of your cars? 

T. VanderhossMotor Vehicles Division 

"Broken front seats...hmm..." 

"Mulder, look over there." 

"What...Ow!" 

"Now we're both the same height.." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: A. Vanderhoss>From: Agent D. ScullyRe: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655 

I have never been, nor ever will be over six feet tall. Please go backand check your records. I have also included the documentation of thespecific cases the vehicles were used on. As you can see, any damageto the vehicles in question occurred during an investigation. 

Agent D. Scully 

"'During an investigation'? I like the way that sounds..." 

"Mulder..." 

"You throw that, we'll have to explain how it got broken..." 

"Justifiable homicide..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: Motor Vehicles DivisionRe: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655 

Agent D. Scully: 

We have confirmed with Personnel that you are rather shorter thanlisted on our records. As a result, please disregard the previousmemos abut the structural damage to the vehicles. In the future,please remember to adjust the seat accordingly. And tell Agent F.Mulder the guys here give him a big thumbs-up. 

T. VanderhossMotor Vehicles Division 

"Gee, I wonder what that's supposed to mean..." 

"Mulder..." 

"Hey, I didn't say anything..." 

"And you're not going to, right?" 

"Ah, I can't really breathe, Scully..." 

******************************** 

From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creativeSubject: Happy Paperwork! -Short shortDate: 16 Oct 1995 23:12:41 GMT 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. Noinfringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really... 

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 

Happy Paperwork!by Sheryl Martin 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: M. BergerRecords Division SupervisorRe: Current Active Status 

Agent F. Mulder: 

It has come to our attention that you have been reclassified as not deceasedat the present time. Please complete the folowing forms to verify yourstatus; including copies of your Birth Certificate, Driving Licence, and allother personal identification . Upon receipt of the proper material we willvalidiate your benefits; your security priviledges, etc. 

M. BergerRecords Division Supervisor 

"Maybe I should just stay dead - no more paperwork." 

"Quit whining, Mulder... I've got my own stack. Being reinstated isn't aneasy ride either..." 

"Yah Scully, but if I stay dead I won't have to pay rent; taxes; get thephone and go visit Skinner..." 

"... Get fed by my mother..." 

"Pass me that box of pencils, please..." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: M. BergerRecords Division SupervisorRe: Current Active Status 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Thank you for returning forms T-181012 through T-181192 so promptly.Unfortunately there is an omission on page 4 of your copy of form T-181088where you list no explanation for your absence for five days. Please completethe section as soon as possible and resubmit. 

M. BergerRecords Division Supervisor 

"So how do I tell them about the Navaho? And I can't..." 

"You don't - put down you were in the hotel room." 

"Scully... that would be lying. And I thought you were a good Catholicgirl..." 

"I prefer creative reality perception..." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: M. BergerRecords Division SupervisorRe: Current Active Status 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Regarding your completion of T-181088 you claim to have been in a hotel roombut no receipts have been received by the department for reinbursement.Please send them along immediately. 

M. BergerRecords Division Supervisor 

"I don't like this..." 

"I already sent in the bill from my stay in the hotel where we met Albert...what are you going to do?" 

"Creative reality perception management, Scully... as per the Lone Gunmen." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: M. BergerRecords Division SupervisorRe: Current Active Status 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Thank you for completing the paperwork so promptly and including thereceipts. Please find enclosed your reinbursement for your expenses;including the hotel room. Your status has been upgraded to Active withreinstatement of all benefits and responsibilities. 

M. BergerRecords Division Supervisor 

"An extra two hundred dollars... pay for my birthday dinner..." 

"Oh, who are you taking?" 

"My favourite FBI agent... well, next to Jodie Foster..." 

"Come here, Mulder..." 

"Don't hurt me, Scully..." 

"Only if you want me to... I just want to give you your birthday present." 

"Oooohhh, Scully..." 

;-) 

****************************"You've become a world-class hopeless romantic.""Not hopeless... hopeful. A world-class hopeful romantic."Joan Wilder -- Romancing The Stone 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...Just when you thought you'd gotten away from the bureaucracy... 

More Paperworkby Sheryl Martin 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: ArchivesRe: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

It has come to our attention that you have been in possession of theabove listed tapes for over four months. Since at present we have norecord of any investigation you are involved in that would require theuse of these videos, we request that they be returned. 

J. BertonArchives Division 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: J. BertonArchives Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives) 

The tapes are currently being used in a research project by mysection. I will return tham at a later date. Thanks for the reminder. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: ArchivesRe: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

We have no record of any project on file. Please submit Form A-431824with the signature of your partner, D. Scully, to confirm the use ofthese resources for official purposes. 

J. BertonArchives Division 

"Scully..." 

"Not a chance, Mulder..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: ArchivesRe: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Unfortunately the signature you sent us on Form A 431824 was illegibleand cannot be confirmed as Agent D. Scully's. Frankly, we don't knowwhose it is, but it is not hers. Please resubmit your requestimmediately. 

J. BertonArchives Division 

"Scully..." 

"I already said no..." 

"Fifty bucks?" 

"...Make it seventy-five..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: ArchivesRe: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Thank you for submitting Form A-431824 at this time. Your request forfurther research time has been approved. By the way, please notifyAgent D. Scully that copies of these requests are filed in yourpersonnel jackets. 

J. BertonArchives Division 

"Mulder..." 

************************************************** 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...Warning: This contains nothing whatsoever to do with theparanormal...unless you've had to deal with the government, in whichcase you believe it's all true... 

Paperworkby Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: FinancesRe: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested) 

Agent D. Scully: 

Regarding your claim requesting compensation for the amount of $78.97for a pair of shoes -- we require further clarification on the methodof damage. "Stepping in a pool of acid" is not specific enough. Also,we need your immediate supervisor to submit a signed copy of yourrequest to proceed. 

M. StubbinsFinance Division 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: M. Stubbins Finance Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested) 

Here's my copy of the report. I would ask that you replace her stuffas well as give her a little extra for a new pair of running shoes. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: FinancesRe: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested) 

Agent D. Scully: 

Regarding your claim, we need a copy of the lab report detailing thesubstance that allegedly destroyed your shoes. As well, we have norecord of File X-93647, the documentation of the case you weresupposedly on when the claim was incurred. Please forward thisinformation to me, as well as a signed copy from your immediatesupervisor, Agent F. Mulder to verify the validity of the form. 

M. StubbinsFinance Division 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: M. Stubbins Finance Division>From: Agent D. ScullyRe: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested) 

Here's a copy of the report. It says my shoes were destroyed by anacid-like goo I stepped in.. This occurred during an investigationinto a series or murders in the New York State area. Agent Mulder issending you a copy of our report. Now can we get going on this? 

Agent D. Scully 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: FinancesRe: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested) 

Agent D. Scully: 

Due to the lack of scientific evidence regarding the supposedlydestruction of your footwear during an investigation, we cannotapprove your claim at this time. If you wish to appeal this, pleasesubmit Form E-9264739 (Appeal of Denial of Claim) with signedaffidavits from your immediate supervisor, Agent F. Mulder and yourAssistant Director. 

M. StubbinsFinance Division 

From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creativeSubject: Paperwork 911-New Short StoryDate: 23 Jan 1996 20:21:26 GMT 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. Noinfringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court...I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh... 

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 

Paperwork 911by Sheryl Martin 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: J. Kilmer, Communication Equipment Division SupervisorRe: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Upon reviewing our records we have discovered that both you and Agent D.Scully have managed to achieve an unusually high number of requests forreplacement or repair of the cel phones assigned to you both as field agents.While we are not in a position to verify or deny the validity of your claims,we are at a loss as to why you and Agent Scully manage to go through so manyphones. Can you possibly supply a explanation for this, as we are coming upto our own budget meeting and need to justify any further replacements foryour section. 

J. KilmerCommunication Equipment Division Supervisor 

"Ring, ring..." 

"Who's there?" 

"Fox." 

"Fox who?" 

"Foxy FBI agent looking for hot redhead to chase aliens with..." 

"Sorry... wrong number." 

To: J. KilmerCommunication Equipment Division SupervisorFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage 

Mr. Kilmer: 

In the course of our investigations we are often in rather unique situationsthat unfortunately have resulted in the loss or damage of the cel phones.Sorry about that. But you have my reports that detail every incident; and I'msure that if you took this to your budget meeting you would be able tojustify keeping my section supplied with the phones. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"Ring, ring..." 

"Who's there?" 

"Orange." 

"Orange who?" 

"Orange you glad I didn't make any jokes about aliens this time?" 

"The number you have reached is out of service..." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: J. Kilmer, Communication Equipment Division SupervisorRe: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage 

Agent F. Mulder: 

We don't doubt the claims themselves; just the circumstances listed. Forexample, Form R-14993872 says that you had the unit melt down in your jacketpocket. Form R-99382778 says that you left it in a boxcar that later blew up.Form R-16384772 states that you dropped it while leaping on a train. 

Our department is open to any and all ideas; but to suggest that all of thesethings happen to you on a regular basis is pushing your credibility with us,Agent Mulder. And I see that you have a recent claim now for another phone;since it seems to have been short-circuited by some type of manure gettinginside the phone. We will consider this request in light of your pastreports. 

J. KilmerCommunications Equipment Division Supervisor 

"Ring, ring..." 

"Who's there?" 

"Mulder." 

"Mulder who?" 

"Mulder who's in a lot of trouble again..." 

"Busy signal..." 

To: J. KilmerCommunication Equipment Division SupervisorFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage 

Mr. Kilmer: 

Whatever you may think of my previous claims, having a cel phone isimperative to my continued ability to function as a field agent. Agent Scullyand Assistant Director Skinner can attest that having this vitalcommunication link is important to my work. Please take this intoconsideration before you invalidate any further claims. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"Mulder..." 

"Yes?" 

"What is this?" 

"My... new phone..." 

"It's two cans with a piece of string tied between them..." 

"Ah... can I borrow your phone, Scully?" 

"No long-distance calls to 1-900-PLEASE-U" 

"How about to 1-900-FBI-BABE?" 

"How about I show you what I can do with this string..." 

******************"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. Youseek problems because you need their gifts."Richard Bach -- Illusions 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...And the legend continues... 

Paperwork Again...by Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: Quartermaster DivisionRe: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

We have received your most recent application for replacement of yourassigned equipment, namely, a pair of flashlights. In order to processyour request, we need more description of why you have lost ten setsin the last year and a half. 

T. MorrisQuartermaster Division 

"Ah, Scully..." 

"Don't look at me; you're the one who thought about filing therequest." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: T. MorrisQuartermaster Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436) 

We have managed to lose some of them due to emergency medicalevacuation -- and some from being attacked by strange creatures thatwe were hunting in the dark. It's easier to replace the flashlightsthan my partner, D. Scully. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"Ow!" 

"Sorry Mulder, I guess I didn't see your head there..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: Quartermaster DivisionRe: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

While we can appreciate your rather odd sense of humour, we cannotfind any documentation of the specific cases that you claim to havelost your assigned equipment on. I am obligated to remind you thattheft of federal property is an indictable offence, and we will pursuelegal action if necessary. 

T. MorrisQuartermaster Division 

"What, they think we're hiding them all in our apartments?" 

"Mulder, in your apartment you could be hiding Jimmy Hoffa..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: T.MorrisQuartermaster Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436) 

I don't mean to tell you folks how to do your job, but why would AgentD. Scully and I steal all those flashlights? Anyway, here is thedocumentation of the case files as you requested. Each time we didlose them in the course of pursuing an investigation. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: Quartermaster DivisionRe: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436) 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Thank you for the material detailing how you lost so many sets offlashlights. However, both you and Agent D. Scully have surpassed theallotted amount allowed for replacement of equipment. Therefore, wewill issue the aforementioned items and just dock your paycheck forthe next two weeks. In future, please be more careful. The FBI is notyour personal playground. 

T. MorrisQuartermaster Division 

"Mulder, put the gun down..." 

**************************************************** 

From: Sheryl_Martin@daystorm.com (Sheryl Martin)Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creativeSubject: Paperwork Lives... New StoryDate: 25 Apr 1995 19:14:00 GMT 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. Noinfringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really... 

Paperwork Lives...by Sheryl Martin 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderCC: Agent D. ScullyFrom: Firearms Training DivisionRe: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203 

It has come to our attention that you are overdue to recertify yourself onthe training range. Please attend as soon as possible so that you canmaintain your present status to carry a firearm. 

K. SmithwornFirearms Training Division 

"Are they serious? I don't remember the last time I shot anything..." 

"Other than your mouth off, Mulder?" 

"Oh, and you're a expert?" 

"At least I don't drop my gun..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: K. SmithwornFirearms Training DivisionFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203 

Unfortunately due to our workload, myself and Agent D. Scully are unavailableto recertify at this time. Please just stamp the appropriate form and sent itdown the line, and we'll get back to you when we are free. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"You really think you can talk them out of this..." 

"I don't have the time to go down and do this, Scully..." 

"Why, get a new copy of The Lone Gunman?" 

"No. The Adult Video News. You can borrow it when I'm finished." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderCC: Agent D. ScullyFrom: Firearms Training DivisionRe: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203 

I don't think my last memo made our position clear. This is a mandatorycourse you have to attend. And I'll ignore the insinuation that I falsifyyour records. You're both scheduled to be on the range Monday at nine a.m. 

K. SmithwornFirearms Training Division 

"Well done, Mulder. Now we're in deeper trouble." 

"Not really. We'll just call in sick." 

"You really want me to retire to a little country practice, don't you?" 

"Hey, you're a doctor..." 

"I don't like the way you're smiling..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: K. SmithwornFirearms Training DivisionFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203 

Unfortunately neither of us will be available for the course on Monday due toa medical problem -- Agent D. Scully will be forwarding the medical note assoon as we both recover. We were exposed to a contagious virus that demandsrest for a period of at least one week. Sorry; we'll call to reschedule. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"And what are we sick with?" 

"I just accessed one of your old files and forwarded it to them." 

"Wait a minute... you didn't ask me what we're sick with, you signed my nameand sent the form off already?" 

"Well, I couldn't wait...why?" 

"I'll give you a real reason to be sick... look at what you sent off." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderCC: Agent D. ScullyFrom: Firearms Training DivisionRe: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203 

Upon receiving the medical form sent by Agent D. Scully, we have decided topostpone your recertification to a later date. Please accept our sympathiesand we hope you both recover from mononucleosis as soon as possible. By theway, we have posted your form on our bulletin board as a fine example ofpartnership. 

K. SmithwornFirearms Training Division 

From: Sheryl_Martin@daystorm.com (Sheryl Martin)Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creativeSubject: Paperwork... Ha! -- New StoryDate: 30 Jun 1995 16:03:57 GMT 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. Noinfringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really... 

Paperwork... Ha!by Sheryl Martin 

"Scully..." 

"Mulder..." 

"Look at this..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: K. ParkerSecurity SupervisorRe: I.D. Photographs 

Agent F. Mulder: 

It has come to our attention that neither your nor your partner, Agent D.Scully have reported for new identification photos for the last two years.Since the Bureau insists on having up-to-date pictures, we would appreciateit if you could come down to the security office as soon as possible. If thisis not possible, could you please send down some recent pictures of yourself;what we can do is have the new cards at the front desk for you to pick upwhen you come in the next morning. Thanks in advance for your help inmaintaining efficiency in our departments. 

K. ParkerSecurity Supervisor 

"Scully..." 

"Mulder..." 

"Want to have some fun?" 

"... We could get suspended..." 

"For another week..." 

"... Get the files out..." 

To: K. ParkerSecurity SupervisorFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: I.D. Photographs 

Please find enclosed the latest photographs of myself and Agent Scully. We'llpick the cards up tomorrow morning. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"So, what pictures do you want to send down?" 

"Already did it, Scully..." 

"I'm suddenly thinking of all that laundry I have waiting for me at home." 

"Wonder if they have a good sense of humour..." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: K. ParkerSecurity SupervisorRe: I.D. Photographs 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Thank you for the prompt response to our request. 

K. Parker Security Supervisor 

"What does that mean?" 

"Ah... I think we just got snookered, Scully..." 

To: K. ParkerSecurity SupervisorFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: I.D. Photographs 

I am posting this from my home computer since your efficient securityofficers refused to let myself and Agent Scully into the office today sincewe did not match the new identification cards at the front desk. I wouldthink that your people would have caught the striking resemblance betweenmyself and Brad Pitt and Agent Scully and Pamela Anderson... but that'sanother story. Can we please come in for new photos and regain access to ouroffices? 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

****************************"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make ittrue. You may have to work for it, however." Richard Bach -- "Illusions".: Sent via DayStorm Inc. info@daystorm.com: Bbs 416-588-9988 (all usr28.8 modems): Tel 416-588-0015 Fax 416-588-9618 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...This in no way reflects any people that I know... snicker... andplease get me out of these cuffs!!! 

paperwork.comby Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderFrom: M. ArturComputer Information DivisionRe: Use of Computer Time and Access 

Agent F. Mulder: 

It has come to our attention that your use of the FBI internalcomputer system has extended to external access to various alt. groupsthat are not, strictly speaking, within your section's research area.I refer to ten hours a week on alt.sex.binaries; fourteen hours a weekon alt.sex.bondage and three hours a week in alt.barney.die.die.die.Can you explain this apparently frivolous use of our resources? 

"Alt. barney.die.die.die?" 

"You should visit Scully, it's fun." 

"Looking at these other groups, I'm scared to ask what you define as fun..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: M. ArturComputer Information DivisionFrom: Agent F. MulderRe: Use of Computer Time and Access 

I have been researching the various computer croups to determine thepsychological profile of the average computer user for future use.This information will be compiled and stored for future Bureaureference; that's why I'm in those groups. 

Agent F. MulderX-Files Section Supervisor 

"You expect them to buy this?" 

"No, but I still have some GIFs to download..." 

"Just keep me out of this, Mulder... Mulder?" 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. ScullyFrom: M. ArturComputer Information DivisionRe: Use of Computer Time and Access 

It has come to our attention that your use of the FBI internalcomputer system as well has extended to external access to variousalt. groups that are not within your section's research area. I referto twelve hours a week on alt.sex.binaries; ten hours a week onalt.sex.bondage and two hours a week in alt.barney.die.die.die., amongothers. Can you explain this use of our resources? I have alreadydiscussed this with your partner... 

"You logged me into those groups to get more time?" 

"Well, I didn't give out your email address..." 

"I'll give you my new address -- scully@mulder.ow.ow.ow." 

"Stop it Scully, you're getting me excited..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. MulderFrom: M. ArturComputer Information DivisionRe: Use of Computer Time and Access 

We have decided to terminate your access to these groups, at leastuntil you produce the data you claim to be collecting. Please adviseD. Scully of the suspension of her account as well, including heraccess to alt.romance.stories. 

"Alt.romance.stories?" 

"Ah... I like to pick up some reading material..." 

"And you never invited me?" 

"From alt.sex.bondage to alt.romance.stories? Mulder, the shock would killyou." 

"Now I'm really interested..." 

******************* 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really... 

Son Of Paperworkby Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: R. McAllisterComputer Repair Division>From: Agent D. ScullyRe: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465 

I am having a problem with my computer. Specifically, I have beenlocked out of my files and cannot access them possibly due to aproblem with my password. Can you please correct this and return it assoon as possible? 

Agent D. Scully 

"You forgot your password?" 

"No, Mulder, I did not forget it. I just can't access the files..." 

"You forgot it." 

"If I could only forget you so easily..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: R. McAllisterComputer Repair Division Re: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465 

Agent D. Scully: 

After careful examination of your computer we have discovered theproblem lies in a hardware malfunction. May we ask what you've beendoing with this particular laptop? The warranty specifies that youmust not subject it to extreme conditions. 

R. McAllisterComputer Repair Division 

"Extreme conditions? Are they serious?" 

"Well, having it with you in the bathtub might count as extreme..." 

"And how do you know I take it into the bathtub... ah... I mean..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: R. McAllisterComputer Repair Division>From: Agent D. ScullyRe: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465 

Look, I have in no way voided any warranty on this machine. All I needto know is why I can't get into my files. If you have to change mypassword, then do it. Just get this machine back to me now! 

Agent D. Scully 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent D. Scully>From: R. McAllisterComputer Repair DivisionRe: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465 

Agent D. Scully: 

We have finally located the problem. It seems a cup of coffee wasspilt over the keyboard and into the drive at some point, then aninefficient cleaning job was attempted. This shorted out only part ofyour system, and we will have it back to you in a day. Of course, wewill have to charge you for the repair, as it is obviously a case ofsimple sloppiness and not a legitimate breakdown. 

"Mulder..." 

"Ah... did I forget to mention that I had an bit of an accident atyour desk the other day..." 

"You're about to have another accident..." 

******************************* 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really... 

X-Tra Paperworkby Sheryl Martin sheryl_martin@daystorm.com 

"You're not actually going to try this..." 

"Hey, you know me Scully, I'll try anything once." 

"That's what I'm afraid of..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: K. HosstlerFinance Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246 

Please find enclosed two receipts for research materials necessary formy section. Reimbursement as soon as possible would be appreciated, asI am rather short of funds. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: K. HosstlerFinance DivisionRe: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246 

These receipts are from two magazines, Celebrity Skin and The AdultVideo News. Please explain how this could possibly relate to yourwork. 

K. HosstlerFinance Division 

"Anatomy is anatomy, right?" 

"Mulder, my medical magazines don't have pink pompoms..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: K. HosstlerFinance Division>From: Agent F. MulderRe: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246 

The aforementioned magazines are useful in determining humanbehaviour, and thereful useful in my keeping up with the latestdevelopments in the field of psychology, in the same way that Agent D.Scully's medical journals help her stay aware of the latest medicalinnovations. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"How did I get into this?" 

"Well, I needed an example..." 

"Good. I need an example to practise my newest autopsy techniques on..." 

INTERNAL MEMO: 

To: Agent F. Mulder>From: K. HosstlerFinance DivisionRe: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246 

Agent F. Mulder: 

Upon careful consideration of your report, we have decided not toapprove it. But to be fair, we have also decided to refuse Agent D.Scully's previous claim for her medical journals. Please inform herthat the amount will be deducted from her next paycheck. 

K. HosstlerFinance Division 

"Mulder..." 

"Scully..." 

"I'll give you a ten second start..." 

******************************* 

From Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org Sat Sep 21 18:41:15 1996Return-Path: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.orgReceived: from bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca (bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca [134.117.1.42]) by sh1.ro.com(8.7.6/8.6.9) with SMTP id RAA26729 for ; Sat, 21 Sep 1996 17:40:35 -0500From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.orgReceived: by bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca (SMI-8.6/SMI-4.0) id SAA26282; Sat, 21 Sep 1996 18:40:50 -0400>From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)Reply-To: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.orgTo: kelsy@ro.comSubject: Target-PaperworkDate: 21 Sep 1996 23:41:15 GMTMessage-Id: <4019322878.12263627@tvo.org>Organization: TVOntario's Online SystemContent-Type: textX-UIDL: ce9e91c002cd59a7f63e53750d1ae2ff 

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. Noinfringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court...I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh... 

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 

Target: Paperworkby Sheryl Martin 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: Winston J. RegartFirearms DivisionRe: Firearm usage in the field. 

Agent F. Mulder: 

It can come to my attention that you and Agent Dana Scully have been usingweapons other than the ones officially assigned to you by the Bureau.Witnesses have observed you carrying Glocks, Walther PPKs and Sig Sauers; toname a few. Please elaborate on what exactly you are using in the field andwhy you are not following current regulations. 

Winston J. RegartFirearms Division 

"What is this, Mulder?" 

"Well, obviously someone thinks that we're using illegal handguns." 

"Of course you wouldn't have any unregistered weapons that the Bureau doesn'tknow about, Mulder." 

"Of course, Scully." 

"That you'd tell me about." 

"Of course, Scully." 

To: Winston J. RegartFirearms DivisionFrom: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorRe: Firearm usage in the field. 

Agent Scully and I have always used the properly assigned weapons issued tous by the Bureau. Honest. We have always informed the proper people andfilled out the paperwork if we have upgraded our firearms or, perchance, havelost the weapon due to some accident. Any other reports are erroneous and youshould just ignore them. 

Agent F. MulderX Files Section Supervisor 

"What do you mean, if we lost our pistols?" 

"It can happen, Scully." 

"To you, yes. I've been thinking of getting your hand Velcroed to keep thegun there." 

"Only if you wear a thick woolly suit..." 

To: Agent F. MulderX Files Section SupervisorFrom: Winston J. RegartFirearms DivisionRe: Firearm usage in the field. 

While I realise that both you and Agent Scully are active in the field and doenter into somewhat dangerous and strange circumstances, I must again remindyou that we have verified accounts of you using weapons other than the onesofficially registered to you. Please cease and desist immediately from usingany such items for official business. Also, please do not keep asking forextra supplies (eg. bullets) for various models that you supposedly don'thave in your possession. 

Winston J. RegartFirearms Division 

"Now they've got a problem with the bullets." 

"Well, Mulder... I've heard rumours about those dumdums you use..." 

"Oh, really? And what did you tell them?" 

"That I always thought you carried blanks." 

************* 

"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand thatfictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies andheartbeats."Richard Bach -- "Illusions" 

"Heart of a warrior; mind of a fool... soul of a romantic." - Jackie St.George"I am a brother to dragons and a companion to owls..." - The Book of Job. 

The Dragon, LGW #21, Eden Agent, The Troupe, Faultliner, XF Romantic, PFSCM#6, Wildebeeste Hunter, EXMC, M&S... ****************************************************** 

"Scully, what are you wearing?" - Fox Mulder 


End file.
